From Seeds Of Strength

So here my family was left, as if a member of our herd had been taken by the wolves. A mom and three children to take on the world. Sometimes tragedy can be a path to good things, to greatness even. A life without struggles is like food without any taste, or music that you can never hear.  It really is what YOU make of it when you get down to it. Every time Ive been brought to a point of weakness, its pushed me to get through it. Because past the point of despair lies an even greater happiness. Its proven itself time and time again in my life and the lives of those around me. Whether the struggles be from physical trauma or they be in the form of emotional pain. This trait I feel is one that Ive been blessed with by not only my father, but maybe even more so by my mother.

Due to my fathers disease, mom had to take the reigns financially while I was growing up. I clearly remember picking her up with my dad and brother from work at very young ages in the family car after her day was over. Looking up at her third floor window from the street, waiting on mom to come home. She is one of, if not the gentlest of souls one could ever meet, but a tigress when it came to protecting her children. Her love was clear to see for all, it was never questioned and it never wavered. My mother has been able to keep a part of her inner child with her to this very day. That free spirited outlook to the wonders of this world. To say she is strong would definitely be the understatement of the century. She was her children's pillar. She was our stone to lean against when our feet got tired. Our shoulder to cry on when life got messy. She was our caretaker when life got you down, and the best part is... She is still with us. As a child you grow, and in my case grow fast. I remember stealing my moms running shoes for the simple reason that I could now fit in them. I remember her running down the street with me, racing back home my legs feeling as though they were barely touching the ground. I remember that huge smile she had, happy that she was just, there with me... The days where I would come home, clothes soaked with water and mud she wouldn't say very much. Maybe that was because she knew just how much fun I must have had or because she wished she had been there as well. It must have been very difficult raising three very active children. I'm sure the feeling of needing to be split into three must have crept into her mind. What i think helped her was in fact that connection with her inner child. It allowed her to maintain a connection with her children even though it was impossible to be with each of them at all times. To lose touch with your inner child is to lose the anchor of just who you are. Its what keeps you grounded, its what keeps you driven, its what keeps you honest, kind and caring. Your inner child is what allows you to dream big, it frees your imagination from the traps that life sometimes throws your way. It widens your view and broadens your perspective on life, allowing you to take things for what they are...

When I came out to my mom about how I felt growing up, how I had hidden this part of me for so long from everyone, at first there was shock. Which I have to say, kind of surprised me in the beginning due to her having found some of her clothing stashed in my room at multiple times while growing up. I really thought she may have suspected it but just never said anything. It seems that those times to her were just seen as "part of growing up". We were always close, still are in fact. She is usually the first person I seek counsel from for most everything. Though in hindsight, I'm sure there were signs she now sees. Mïta is now her eldest, and Mike is now gone. I have been blessed with the greatest family that anyone could ever dream of. A group of people that see me for the person I am and have always been even though presented in a different form. I see it as a lesson in my life lived. Perhaps karma is a force, a force of what you make it. Be negative in this world and this force will see you to the end in way filled with pain regardless of shape. Live a positive life however, and treasures will fall upon you landing in your path allowing you to pick the up and continue the circle. Never let go of the childlike brightness inside of you. It will guide you honestly through tough times. And if all else fails.... As a wise man once said "What goes around, is all around!*" Words to live by if I ever heard them.

More to come.... And feel free to comment..



* Ricky of the The Trailer Park Boys